Asking if someone is OK

Checking in on someone’s wellbeing is one of the most powerful ways you can show support. As nurses and midwives, we ask our patients how they are all the time. But when it comes to a colleague, someone you manage, a friend or a family member, it can be hard to know where to start.

Find out why asking matters

For various reasons, many people who are struggling may find it hard to reach out on their own. Asking “Are you OK?” as a simple, genuine question can break the silence. It creates space for conversation and reminds them they’re not alone.

Choose the right approach, time and place

There are ways you can create a safe space in which someone might be more likely to open up.

Stop and consider the:

Person – talk directly to the person, rather than through others.
Time – choose a moment when neither of you is rushed, distracted or exhausted.
Place – look for somewhere private and calm (not a busy space).
Approach – be warm and curious, and put your own judgements to the side.
Mindset (for you) – Check in with yourself. Are you in a headspace where you can listen?

These tips were shared by Daniel, founder of Pharus Wellbeing.

“It’s not about being perfect – it’s about showing you care” – Daniel Pharus Wellbeing

Try these: ways to start a conversation

Daniel suggests some useful opening lines to for starting these types of conversations:

“I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself. Do you want to grab a coffee and have a chat?”
“Out of 10, how was your day? (1 = best day ever, 10 = tough).” Follow-up by asking why they chose that number.
“All things considered – first rotation of your grad year, long shifts – how are you going?”

Look after yourself too

Supporting someone can bring up emotions for you too. After a tough conversation, consider debriefing - confidentially - with someone you trust, or reaching out to us if you need support.